Thank you for that introduction, thank you to the Trustees for inviting me back, and thank you to President Jameson. Congrats to you on being named full-time University President – a job nobody in the world wants right now, so thank you for your leadership but also … maybe just lay low, man, head down.
Congratulations Class of 2025 and good morning to the family, friends, parents, grandparents, caregivers, faculty, and my fellow nominees – I mean, honorees – on stage with me today – You are all incredibly esteemed in your fields and I made Cocaine Bear. So. We’re ALL Doctors now.
Dr. Hau – or Light Lady, that’s what my friends and I call you – she can literally stop light like a real life superhero but it’s me, Dr. Elizabeth Banks who’s been asked to address you today, presumably because I’ve been cast as an oversexed alcoholic, multiple times, and that’s obviously more relatable to all youse.
And because fellow alum John Legend already did it. He may be an EGOT but I have three MTV Movie Awards. For all you young people, MTV stands for music television so obviously they gave out awards for film.
As you know, I am a proud Penn Alum – College 96 – and it’s really fun being back in West Philadelphia, and to be standing here with all of you on this historic Franklin Field to celebrate your triumphant GRADUATION.
Last night I hit up the Wawa, walked down Locust, past the Dueling Tampons – which I heard they might paint white? as if that’s somehow less tampon-y? I also took the required photo with Penn’s founder Ben Franklin, went to Houston Hall – where, back in my day, I had to go to check my email because laptops and phones had not been invented yet. Now, I know what you’re thinking, “but Elizabeth, you look so young, like a person who’s ALWAYS had email.” But No. I communicated through the actual mail.
And if I sent a picture, it looked like actual me. Speaking of people who don’t use email… I invited my parents here today, and the last time the three of us were together in this stadium, I was sitting where you are – very hungover in my cap and gown – which I wore over a black bikini (It’s very hot on this field).
So, I know what you’re all most worried about right now – how do you pronounce Schuykill? Will I have to explain to strangers that I graduated from “not Penn State”? And what will I take away from this experience, besides some friends and HPV?
Well, I’m going to do my best to tell you. And like my career and our economy, this commencement speech is going to be a little all over the place. But I AM a Penn success story and since I’m also an actress, I’ll just start by talking about — me.
I was a voracious learner here – I was gonna get every penny’s worth of my tuition. I learned some Shakespeare and about bias in journalism and why marijuana legalization is good public policy – 30 years ago we knew this – and that climate change needs our urgent attention – 30 years ago, Professor Robert Geigengack, RIP, was sounding the alarm on climate. But the most impactful lessons I took away from my time here weren’t academic, perse. They were mostly about ADULTING.
For example, I had a class with a tough professor that only met once a week, on Fridays. Because the class was small and met so infrequently, absences were not excused and would result in half a grade deduction – an A became an A minus and so on. Well, “so on” for other people– obviously, I had an A. Anyway, I went to the professor right away because my cousin’s wedding was coming up and I had planned to drive down with my family on a Friday.
No problem, she said, but you’ll lose your A. But I was expected to go, I told her. I couldn’t let down my family. I promised I would make up the work, I gave her all the reasons why she shouldn’t penalize me, but she stuck to her guns: “it’s your choice and that choice has consequences in your life.”
It felt impossible, what she was asking. My GPA vs my family? How could I choose between the two? I basically gave it the same weight as Meryl Streep deciding which kid to turn over to the Nazis.
Meanwhile, she was so blasé about the entire interaction because, in her mind, she was an adult talking to another adult. Which was honestly news to me. I still felt like a kid – and maybe some of you still do too – but she was telling me, “No, you’re an adult. You have agency.” What a powerful thing to tell a young person, right? You are in control of your life. And also, you are not entitled to anything. And yes, that second one sucks.
In the end, I went to my cousin‘s wedding and I took the hit. I drove to Tennessee with my family, including my grandmother, who sat in the middle seat for 7 hours, and I had a wonderful time. My Grammy passed away soon after and my cousin, just a few years older than me, is gone now too.
I’ve never regretted that choice. I didn’t graduate Summa Cum laude and that’s… never come up. Not once. The profound lesson I learned through all of this was that our values conflict sometimes. And it’s making choices in —- those moments that help you clarify WHO YOU ARE and what you VALUE in this world. That’s ADULTING.
It’s not just cleaning your hair out of the drain of a shared shower or sink – which you should absolutely do – it’s the series of decisions you make when your values conflict: GPA or Family. Creativity or security. Loyalty or personal growth. Love or Money. Your path is guaranteed to be paved with these decisions.
You graduates are entering the world at an incredible time in human history. We’re on the exponential curve now, baby, and going straight up. On the one side is Artificial Intelligence and the technological advancements that are coming for every industry, breakthroughs in medicine and gene therapies that will have us living longer and healthier than ever, some of which are being made at this very university. Meanwhile, on the other side… we have income inequality, climate change and fascism. Straight up.
Your generation must root out and continue to solve the real problem in this world and let me tell you: it has nothing to do with the color of our skin, the ability of our bodies, the gender on our birth certificates, or what religion we practice, and everything to do with… money. The real division in this country, in this world, now more than ever, is economic. To be clear – there’s plenty of money. It’s just concentrated very very very far away from the bank accounts of most people. And we can’t solve most problems without access to some of that capital.
The artist DeKooning said: the problem with being poor is that it takes up all your time. I came here as a scholarship kid, first gen, loaded up Pell grants and work study, which is actually quite isolating. I never went on a Spring break, I never studied abroad. I never had an unpaid internship – I needed — all my time to be billable.
I was privileged to look like a rich girl, a city girl, a girl who had ridden in a yellow taxi and should rush Tabard, but no. I had, in fact, never ridden in a yellow taxi and should be a Tri Delt. I found a rusted ten-speed bike in the basement of a frat house, tuned it up, rode it for three years and left it unlocked on 40th and Irving the day I graduated. Why was I in the basement of a frat house? You know why. The point is…I didn’t come to PENN to pursue a career in the arts – I came here to use the best tool for class migration that’s ever existed – higher education.
And that’s it. It was a low bar. Be employable, hopefully well-paid.
When people ask me when I knew I wanted to be an actor, my answer is “when I got paid for it.” Was I passionate about it? Sure. Did it bring me self-esteem and joy? Yes. But I was practical. Pragmatic.
But during my time here, I began to think differently – I was in control of my life. And I was working hard to build the confidence, the life skills, the connections and the grit to believe success at anything I devoted myself to was possible.
Some of you know this already, but for those who don’t – today represents an achievement, for sure. But what you’re all getting today is not just a diploma, but a safety net. And I don’t just mean the Ivy League degree. Nobody here – not a single one of you – got to this ceremony alone. Somebody encouraged you, loved you, bandaged your skinned knee, fed you, taught you. All of that support is your safety net, too.
And your job, from here on out, is to pursue anything and everything that scares you with absolute vigor because you have that safety net.
Here’s what I did with mine:
When I got accepted to drama school – to pursue an acting career – the most impractical dream there is – despite a prohibitive cost, I went.
And after drama school, when I went to NYC and got offered a two-year contract on a soap opera that would have paid all my student loans and then some, I said: if I can get that today, I’d like to see what I can get tomorrow.
Money was suddenly a value I didn’t always have to choose. I could invest in myself. But, full disclosure, after turning down all that money, I called my mom from a payphone and cried hysterically. For the young people, a payphone is a public phone mounted to a wall, sometimes in a box, that you put coins in to make a call. Also, coins are small round metal pieces of money.
So many of you are rightfully excited about what’s next and worried about what you don’t have yet – so let this be a reminder to appreciate what you’ve already got. You have nothing to lose. You have loads of time. Use that freedom. Because your life isn’t determined by your first job, or your second. Especially because those first jobs usually suck. Or are in a city you don’t like. Surrounded by people you don’t connect with. I went to grad school in San Francisco right after Philly and immediately knew I wouldn’t be settling there. Naked people on bicycles is too much even for me.
You will need to keep expanding your idea of who you are and what you can be and let me reassure you: There is no pie. You all left incredibly competitive high schools to enter this incredibly competitive university or graduate program and you’re about to enter the incredibly competitive job market. So, I can understand why you may believe that life is a zero-sum game: that there’s only so much opportunity to go around. If one person takes a bigger slice, everyone else must take a smaller slice, and the total size of the pie remains the same. That IS true with actual pie. But not in life, and not with opportunity.
My advice to you is – as much as possible from here on out – take yourself out of that mindset.
Nobody knows about competition better than an actor – At any given time, 98% of professional actors are unemployed – like federal workers. So, when I didn’t get my slices of pie – and there were LOTS I didn’t get – I baked my own. In fact, I made cupcakes, cookies and brownies, too. Is this a confusing metaphor? Kinda, yeah. It sounds like I was baking all the time but also couldn’t afford the ingredients. What I mean is: I used my agency to create my own opportunities: rather than wait for those great acting gigs, I started producing, writing, directing, hosting a game show, becoming an investor and entrepreneur, podcasting. Was this all in response to overwhelming disappointment? Of course. Failure is a great motivator!
What’s better? All of that… made pie for other people too – I created jobs and opportunities for others by selling ideas for tv and movies, like the Pitch Perfect films, inspired by my time right here. Just ask Penn Masala who sang in Pitch Perfect 2.
The truth is, if the pie was real, there would never be any progress. People who didn’t get their slice would just do what? Accept it? Many do, and their lives stay small. Blame someone else? That’s petty and breeds resentment that serves no one. You’re only ever competing with yourself. With the limitations you’re willing to accept. With the smallness of someone else’s idea of what you’re capable of. So stop competing and start beating the pie lie.
If Jackie Robinson believed there was only so much baseball to go around, we wouldn’t have the MLB we have today. If Billie Jean King and Lily Ledbetter had just accepted it when they were told to be happy with what they got, the notion of equal pay for equal work wouldn’t be a phrase recognized by every person in this stadium. Which reminds me: there’s still a lot of work to do. We need bright, conscientious, positive people with expansive minds to do it. You are them. And I’m excited to see you fail!
That’s right. You too will fail to get exactly what you want at some point which is your best opportunity to clarify what it is you —- really want and pivot if you have to. You’ve got the safety net to do it.
“No, but I need THIS thing” you’ll say. But in that single-minded pursuit, you’ll risk ignoring all the other opportunities waving to you from the periphery. At every perceived “failure,” look inward and ask yourself what you’re really after. Is it money, admiration, flexibility, credibility? Get real with yourself and then figure out how to get it some other way. YOUR way. Your path. Create. Collaborate. Build. Join. In my industry, we like to say, “rejection is protection.” In time, I always came to see why I didn’t get a part. I’m not Legally Blonde’s Elle Woods. But I am The Hunger Games’ Effie Trinket.
And here’s the thing about playing Effie – she was protected by a system she propped up, promoted and collaborated with – Until she was overcome by empathy for Katniss and Peeta, unfairly treated by that same system and ended up in bunker helping the revolutionaries. That last part wasn’t in the books. It’s in the films because of what I brought to Effie – I gave her an emotional arc, a dash of empathy, a crush on Haymitch and I wore the hell out of the costumes.
I didn’t accept anybody else’s idea of what I could do with that part – not even the author who created her. (Suzanne) I took my opportunity – my little slice of pie – and did more with a limited role which rewarded me not only with a better part, but six years of guaranteed work that meant I could afford to start my family AND pursue a directing career. In short, I built myself another safety net. Be on the lookout for them and use them wisely!
Benjamin Franklin himself didn’t even dream this big when he founded this place – he just laid out some ideals and each successive generation has improved upon them….
Penn is a place of progress. I am that progress. A working-class girl whose parents didn’t go to college, who waitressed for a decade, who persistently built her success with hard work, guts, a cup of ambition, and whatever else Dolly Parton sings about. And young people, if you don’t get that reference, please watch “9 to 5,” as it’s hilarious, and sadly all too relevant today.
CLASS of 2025. You are that progress now.
Harvard has her Crimson and Yale her colors too, but dear old PennsylvanIA has her Red and Blue and every other color too. And we are better for it. And it IS the future. Because the problems of this world – that exponential curve – it’s going to take ALL OF US – everyone – to solve them. So, we need to spread the wealth. We need to invite more people to the solutions party, not less.
Alright, I’ve got two more quick things then we can all go day drink.
I found the love of my life at this place – on 40th and Spruce on a steamy evening in 1992. I’ve compared every potential partner to him since and he keeps on winning. He is my true safety net. And that’s my relationship advice – find the person who gives you the confidence to do it all scared – tie your nets together – because co-creating your dream life and parenting kids is unfathomable with anybody who isn’t going to catch you when you inevitably fall. Everything’s great when everything’s great. But when everything’s shit, you deserve a partner holding you up, not keeping you down.
Finally, you’re going to make mistakes. You deserve to learn from them. They shouldn’t derail your hopes and dreams, which is why the last thing I want to leave you with is this: the biggest derailment to the future you want to build… is irresponsible ejaculation. I know all the Doctors on this stage, me included, agree with my assessment – that’s the cause of every unwanted pregnancy.
You – all of you, women AND MEN – deserve to be able to determine whether, when and with whom you become a parent, the greatest responsibility you’ll ever undertake, so remember to WRAP IT UP and keep abortion legal. Trust me, access to reproductive healthcare is the ultimate safety net – not only does it save lives, it’s your insurance policy to the fun, healthy, successful, liberated, relationship-positive life that you’ve all worked so HARD for – pun intended.
Congratulations Quakers – Class of 2025. Thank you and may the odds be ever in your favor!
